The only thing we can be sure of about the future is that it will be absolutely fantastic. So if what I say now seems to you to be very reasonable, then I have failed completely. Only if what I tell you appears absolutely unbelievable, have we any chance of visualizing the future as it really will happen.

- Arthur C. Clarke (h/t Brin)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Scoop!

Barack Obama was, unsupected by anyone, born in Kenya. You heard it here first!

He was the heir apparent (Barack) to the throne (Obama) of Daberce-en-Daboolce, a province of Kenya, but a chief of a rival tribe was in ascendancy. Nobody knows what happened to his parents, but a loyal family aide raised him in seclusion in the brush above the fabled island city of Zanzibar, where the last of the treasure of Daberce-en-Dabools remains hidden to this day. The aide, Cabbis-Cabbis Nosaks knew that his hiding place would likely eventually be betrayed, so he sought a way to sequester the lad during his youth in a way that would allow him to gain strength and resources in a faraway land, so as to eventually recover the throne of Daberce-en-Daboolce.

Cabbis-Cabbis, after quickly inducting the five-year-old into the tribal religion, met up with an adventurous young American midwestern girl in the Phillipines, and convinced her that she should spend the rest of her life pretending to be a single white midwestern mother of limited resources with a black child. How could she turn down an opportunity like that? Cabbis-Cabbis counted on the Barack's facility with languages so that he would pick up English, his second language, with sufficient facility to become a renowned professor of law, a prominent citizen of one America's greatest cities, a famed orator, and ultimately its president. The success of this part of the plan is well known.

Of course, there is great doubt as to what the Barack could possibly be up to.

It is clear that the Barack of Obama has little interest in the presidency, having done nothing but extract the bulk of US forces from a major conflict, saved the world from an imminent financial collapse, begun the difficult process of health care reform on a promising note, and brought the topic of environmental sustainability to the table as a top level issue in the country's minds. By comparison, by this date in the previous administration, his predecessor had read the entirety of My Pet Goat in kindergardens and day care centers in several states, in one case under conditions of considerable stress and confusion. (This all really is well-known, isn't it?)

It all comes clear once you understand the Barack's entitlement to the Obama (throne) of Daberrce-en-Daboolce. The purpose of obtaining the presidency, all along, was to gain control of an elite secret service unit, as well as the US Treasury, which is buying that unit a bunch of Super-Secret Ultra-Laser-Guided Computer-Smart SuperWeapoNs. Obama and the platoon, many of whom were in "ACORN", his private militia, have been training in a secret suburban location outside the beltway with the new SSULGCSSWN units.

The platoon, the Vienna (Va) Redhots, also plays a smokin R&B set at a local brew-pub on alternate Tuesdays, but most of them don't plan to go pro. The Barack is on keys, mostly with a Hammond J-3 sort of a sound. They plan to convert Air Force 1 into an armored tour bus, take the teen scene on Zanzibar by storm, and meanwhile find the missing clue to the missing treasure. They will then proceed back to Daberrce-en-Daboolce, where the evil mayor has just unexpectedly resigned, and recover Datrone (the seat of government).

This whole nefarious plan might have succeeded, but the Obama failed to account for one thing: the eagle eyed-vigilance of Joe Biden.

"Climategate" is also completely true.


Look. If we are going to lose, let's at least laugh. Because if this is how democracy dies, it is ludicrous enough to be funny.

It's just a silver lining, friends, here comes that cloud again. But it is, at least, to laugh.

9 comments:

Michael Tobis said...

On September 15th, 2010 Aaron Nichols (not verified) said:

Why would you vote someone into office that supports taxes on something that simply isn’t true? The fact that the polar ice caps on Mars are melting (NASA.GOV) makes one wonder if we have some how affected the climate on Mars as well. Furthermore the fact that every planet in our solar system is heating up at an unprecedented rate is clear evidence that the cause of Global Warming is the SUN (National Geographic). Additionally scientist have determined that CO2 levels were actually higher during the dark ages than they are now (Ice core analysis). How many automobiles and factories do you suppose were present during the dark ages? In conclusion the gas that humans exhale and plants need to facilitate photosynthesis IS NOT THE CAUSE OF GLOBAL WARMING! On top of all of this – the IMF (International Monetary Fund) has called for using the would be Global Warming Tax to fund a new world currency called the BANCOR (Read The Doc for yourself). I take solace in knowing that the plans of the Global elitists have been stopped in their tracks. There is no way given the known facts that any attempt to institute such a draconian plan will prevail. The American People are waking up!

Steve Scolnik said...

On September 15th, 2010 a staff meteorologist at a major TV network (ABC) affiliate in the capital of the US of A (verified) posted the following on the station's weather blog (punctuation, spelling, and grammar in the original):

I have my own personal views and reasons regarding global warming. I will try to keep this a short as possible. First, yes the earth has warmed however during its life cycle the earth has warmed and cooled for years. I do agree that we as humans do have some impact but I believe this impact to be quite minimal with regards to climate. Some scientists hang their hat on recent data sighting facts like recent hottest summer on record. Additionally, some scientists claim that if you look at the data since we have been collecting it, you can see a trend that clearly indicates warming. However, you must realize that we have only been keeping records since 1880 and the accuracy of the data until the past 100 years is questionable at best. The earth has also been around for 4.55 billion years (plus or minus about 1%). During this time we have see the earth warm and cool and have undisputable evidence of this. How can one take such a small data set then reduce it further by pulling out an even small set of years and conclude that global warming is real, it’s our fault, and that if we don’t do something the earth will continue to warm. Just a few decades ago we were concerned about global cooling and perhaps the next ice age. Please understand the earth has cycles both locally and globally.

"Chris has earned the AMS (American Meteorological Society) Seal of Approval which recognizes on-air meteorologists for their sound delivery and accuracy of weather information to the general public. Among radio and television meteorologists, the AMS Seal of Approval is sought as a mark of distinction."

Word verification: farfan

Steve Scolnik said...

P.S. Here is the full list of references "sighted" in the previously quoted blog post:

“My Nobel Moment” by John R. Christy petesplace-peter.blogspot.com/2007/11/my-nobel-moment-by-john-r-christy.html

Global Warming: The Cold Hard Facts” by Timothy Ball www.canadafreepress.com/2007/global-warming020507.htm

“35 Scientific Errors (or Intentional Lies) in An Inconvenient Truth” by Scott Thong scottthong.wordpress.com/2007/10/30/35-scientific-errors-or-intentional-lies-in-an-inconvenient-truth/

“Global Warming: A Convenient Lie” by Andrew Gavin Marshall www.globalresearch.ca/index.php

What The Earth Knows” by Robert B. Laughlin www.theamericanscholar.org/what-the-earth-knows/

“Geological Time & Global Warming. Humanity is So Insignificant” by Michael D Brown michaelbrowntoday.com/journal/2010/7/30/geological-time-global-warming-humanity-is-so-insignificant.html

Thank God teh internets provide such a wealth of valuable informations.

Word verifications: cheapst, nutfing

frank -- Decoding SwiftHack said...

The muezzin calls out to the faithful from the Ground Zero Mosque™.

Hank Roberts said...

> taxes on something that
> isn't true

Oh, if we only could tax lies! But "not verified" would have to pay at least a penny a word for that kind of stuff.

That would end worry about funding education or health care or public health!


http://blog.seattlepi.com/davidhorsey/archives/221238.asp

".... for old school journalists like me.... so far, I said, the big winners in this revolution seem to be governments and big corporations that now have much more potent ways to control information, as well as fringe political groups that can now spread their lunacy to a vast new audience.

Hosein seemed to agree ... but expressed confidence that, out of the current chaos in the journalism world, new entities will arise to combat managed messages and crazy ideas. I hope he is right because current trends are not encouraging...."

Oale said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Michael Tobis said...

I'm not sure what you meant to say, Oale, but in American it doesn't read very pretty.

Oale said...

thank you for removing that (whatever it was), sorry it sounded unpretty.

Oale said...

Yes, now I remember. Color issues do not belong to a climate blog. Thanks.